what to say...
Discussing a friend's drug or alcohol use isn't an easy thing to do. People with drug problems usually defend their use or make excuses. It can be hard for people to admit to themselves that they have a problem.
This means that when you talk, your friends will listen — even if you've tried drugs or alcohol yourself. You may be worried that your friend will be mad at you – but if you really think that he or she needs help, you need to say something.
Here are a few things to keep in mind if you have to have that talk with your friend.
- The Tone. Remember, how you say something is as important as what to say. A supportive, caring tone usually works best. Be assertive, not aggressive.
- Be Discreet. No one likes to be called out in front of others. Wait until the right time and place to have this talk. It's best not to start the conversation if they're high, angry or upset. And afterwards, keep the details of your conversation private.
- Plan What to Say. You may want to reference some specifics like if your friend skips class, takes stupid risks or is frequently hungover. Tell him or her that you're concerned and that's why you want to talk. You may want to have a helpline number or some facts on hand. That way, your friend can call for confidential help or check out the facts.
- Balance. Your friend may think you're just being "critical," so try to give examples of how you feel when you see him or her use drugs. For example, “You are my best friend. But I feel like you're a different person when you're high and that's really disappointing.” Or you can write an email or note if you feel uncomfortable talking face-to-face.
- Listen. After you finish talking, ask your friend what he or she thinks – and listen. It's critical that you hear what your friend's saying so you can offer to help. But you shouldn't feel like you have to personally solve your friend's problem – there are counselors who can help at times like this.
- Keep At It. Talking to your friend about drugs may be a continuous process – not a one-time event – so you may want to check in with him or her from time to time. You may want to recommend that your friend talk to a counselor – and have a hotline number ready.