Help a Friend

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What to Say To a Friend About Their Drug or Alcohol Problem

You've already learned the things to keep in mind when talking with a friend who is using drugs or alcohol. But approaching a friend and finding the right words can still be tough and scary sometimes. But remember that 50 percent of all current marijuana users report feeling they should reduce or stop their marijuana use.¹ So your friend likely wants to stop and may need your help. Here are some short sample conversations. You can personalize them or add some facts, but this gives you a good start. Remember that you can always get some confidential help from a trusted adult (teacher, coach, nurse, or counselor) or from a hotline with trained teens and adult experts.

Before you think about having the conversation with your friend, it's important to think about where and when you'll have "the talk." You should pick a time and place that feels private for you and your friend – maybe when you're walking or driving home from school or an activity together. The bottom line is that you should have this conversation at a time and place that feels familiar and kind of "safe" for you and your friend.

Remember to always follow these steps as you plan to talk with your friend about his/her use.

Remember that your friend's drug use is NOT your fault.
Never confront your friend when he is drunk or high.
If your friend becomes angry or violent, leave and bring up the subject later when she is calm. Or, you can refer her to a trusted adult if you don't feel comfortable having the conversation.
If you are nervous about talking with your friend, ask another friend who knows the situation if you can practice with him or her, to help work out ahead of time what you are going to say.
For more advice on how to prepare yourself for talking with a friend who is using drugs or alcohol, visit the "What to Say" section.

I'm worried about you

We're going to be friends no matter what, so don't worry about that. We've had some great adventures together and it's been fun. But I'm getting worried about your drug/alcohol use. I've seen you stoned/high a few times now and it's not healthy – I'm afraid that you are hurting yourself. I'm also afraid that you are going to get into trouble if you keep going the way you're going. Plus, when you're using, you can get me in trouble, too. I just really hope we can talk about what's going on with you. There are also people you can talk to confidentially who can help. It's not too late for you to change things in your life.

You're using drugs/alcohol to deal with your other problems

I'm concerned you are using drugs/alcohol because you are unhappy or depressed – or maybe some other things are bothering you at home or at school. I know it's hard, but drugs/alcohol are not the way to deal with your problems. Actually, you might not know this, but drug use can actually increase a person's likelihood of experiencing mental health problems like depression and anxiety. I feel like you will be making your problems worse by using drugs and alcohol.

I want to help you work through this, and if we can't fix it, there are people you can confidentially talk with who can help.

Your drug/alcohol use is giving you a bad reputation

I'm afraid that people are starting to talk about you and your drug/alcohol use. It's not healthy, and I think you need to stop. You're getting a bad reputation. Sooner or later, other people are going to find out (like school or your parents) and that will cause even more problems for you.

I'm also concerned about the messages online you are posting about using drugs. Did you know that school can suspend you for what you do/say online, and college admissions officers and potential employers check your online profiles when you apply for colleges or jobs? You don't want to ruin your reputation or future for something stupid like this.

I'm here to help

I don't like having to talk about this, but I am worried about your drug/alcohol use. I'm here to help you and so are the rest of your friends. We can do fun things that don't include drugs/alcohol use. There are confidential hotlines that can help and you can call them without getting into trouble. If you think you need to talk with an adult like a counselor, your parents, or a health care professional, I can go with you. I can even start the conversation. Just let me know.

1 Terry-McElrath, Yvonne M. M.S.A et al. "Saying No to Marijuana: Why American Youth Report Quitting or Abstaining." Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan. 2008.